A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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