I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
