And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
