our cab driver is having phone sex.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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