thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
