I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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