Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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