I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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