I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
