The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
