Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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