so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i came on her dog
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
