Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
