you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
