mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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