I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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