Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize
