everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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