I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
