So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
