Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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