Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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