She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
