he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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