Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
someone owes me an orgasm
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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