Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
