He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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