That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
