She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
