I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
