So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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