had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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