my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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