i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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