he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
