I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
