Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
