Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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