Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
