I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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