On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
