Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want to fling myself into the sun
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
