God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
