i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
