Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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