Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
