No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
