I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
