Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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