'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
