dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
